The silent struggles of neurodivergent women

Overlooked, misunderstood, and ready to be seen

Neurodivergent women have always been here – but for too long, we’ve been unseen. It’s International Women's Day on 8th March and this year’s theme is ‘Accelerate Action’. So what better time to talk about the unique challenges women face and, more importantly, the meaningful steps needed to ensure neurodivergent women are properly recognised and supported.

But first, I want to be clear that whilst I’m talking about neurodivergent women it’s important to recognise that gender isn’t binary, and most importantly, this focus should be on moving beyond neurodivergence and stereotypes. Secondly, when talking about neurodivergence and women, I’m particularly talking about ADHD and autism in the context of this article as opposed to broader neurodivergence.

The (often) silent struggles of neurodivergent women

For many people, their perception of autism or ADHD has been shaped by decades of research based primarily on white, young boys. Neurodivergent women and people marginalised by their gender have been largely left out of the conversation (as have non-white people and marginalised groups), leading to chronic underdiagnosis, misdiagnosis, and a lifetime of struggling to fit into a world that was never designed with them in mind.

Things are definitely changing, but this year’s International Women’s Day theme of ‘Accelerate Action’ is pertinent because there’s so much more we need to do. The true action needed has to involve challenging outdated biases, reshaping diagnostic criteria, and making sure neurodivergent women no longer have to struggle in silence.

First, let’s look at some of the issues faced by neurodivergent women and all marginalised genders.

• Bias in research – Most autism and ADHD research has focused on boys, leading to diagnostic criteria that often fail to capture how these conditions present in women. This is changing, but cumulatively there is a large bias in research.
• Underdiagnosis & late diagnosis – Many neurodivergent women only discover their neurodivergence in adulthood (if at all), often after years of being misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or personality disorders. This is due to many reasons – one being that the diagnostic criteria has been informed by the biased research.
• Masking & social pressures – From a young age, girls are conditioned to be polite, agreeable, and socially adept. This leads many to mask their neurodivergence – exhaustingly camouflaging their true selves to meet societal expectations.
• Internalised vs. externalised Traits – Boys with ADHD can be more likely to be hyperactive (although not always); girls are often inattentive (again, not always). Autistic boys may show obvious social difficulties, while autistic girls often mimic social behaviours to blend in (again please note these are generalisations and not categorical rules). The result? Girls are missed, misunderstood, and unsupported.

This isn’t just about awareness – it’s about action. Here’s what we can do to better support neurodivergent women in our workplaces, schools, and communities.

How to support neurodivergent women

Recognise the masking, not just the more obvious traits.

Many neurodivergent women have spent a lifetime masking their traits. Just because someone doesn’t “look” neurodivergent doesn’t mean they aren’t. Masking can come at a great cost, and can lead to burnout, fatigue, and anxiety. Don’t exacerbate it by saying things like “You don’t look autistic”.

Question your preconceptions.

If your idea of autism or ADHD is based on stereotypes of young boys, it’s time to expand your understanding. Neurodivergence presents differently across genders, and the most pressing challenges for women often go unseen. It’s not your fault you have these preconceived ideas – I did too! This is what society tells us. But it’s our responsibility to change that.

Move beyond binary thinking.

Not all women present neurodivergence the same way. Some might be highly expressive; others may internalise everything.

And some men also present with more internalised traits meaning they are harmed by these stereotypical views society holds too.

Create spaces where women don’t have to mask.

In workplaces, schools, and communities, ask yourself: Does this environment allow people to be themselves? Flexible work structures, sensory-friendly spaces, and acceptance of different communication styles all help reduce the pressure to mask.

But please be aware that for some masking is a coping mechanism and is needed for survival. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to un-mask. However, providing environments to do so if they wish is what we should aim for.

Recommendations

If this resonates with you, here are some incredible resources to dive deeper:

• NeuroCurious (from The Womenhood) – a series of talks uncovering and celebrating ADHD and autism in women by my incredible friend, Jess Rad.
• Autistic Girls Network – an incredible network run by Cathy Wassell. Advocacy and resources for autistic women and girls. 
• Differing Minds: A Gender-Inclusive Approach to Neuroinclusion – Our must-see talk on how to make neuroinclusion truly gender-inclusive is a cracker. 

This International Women’s Day, let’s do more than celebrate. Let’s challenge the systems that continue to overlook neurodivergent women and take real action to create a world where they no longer have to fight to be seen.